This was all something I thought I knew. I always saw myself as someone who valued quality not quantity in the respect of friends. But looking back at the last 9 months... I'm no longer so sure about that. Out of everybody from home I really can only count on my mom... and 2 others... That is absolutely ridiculous! Today Chris told me, as I was looking at Julie's Facebook, that I was a glutton for punishment. After everything... I just thought we had a little bit stronger of a friendship.... I mean, we have been friends since... 1999... almost 10 years. It's just sad how distance screws everything up. Worse than that is Katherine acting fine one minute then as soon as I leave the city she doesn’t care who I am, what I have done for her, the friend I was to her, or when I’m coming home. I only fed her, gave her a place to stay, hung out with her, and introduced her to “the man of her dreams”… Oh well. Not much I can do about what people decide to do with their lives.
On the bright side, I thank God everyday for Jess Y and Leanne and I definitely thank Him for putting me in leadership at St. Stephen's to make one of the best friends I have ever had - Jess K. The 3 of them are amazing. I don't know what I would have done the last... 13 years without Leanne. And Jessie Young and I are like soul mates. We just get each other. It's really nice to have someone who just gets me. She doesn't judge, but she still lets me know what she thinks. It is helpful.
If I could just find someone like one of them here, it would make the next 5 years a lot easier. I have been looking at a lot of my pictures lately and it makes me sad. All my life, I felt like this outcast and just in the last 2 years I was really finding myself. I was becoming more comfortable with who I was and more happy with my life in general. Now, it’s like I am starting all over again and I don’t even know where to start.
Damnit. My lack of social experience screws me again!
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